Do I have to obey my father in choosing a husband, and how can I make him more even-tempered?

I have a question about marriage, my father believes that being Bengali, he's daughters should only get married to a Bengali man, the thing is, my dad likes to be a pillar of society and likes to have control over everything we do, Can you give me proof that it is ok for the daughters to choose who they get married to, despite whether they are Pakistani, Indian or Bengali, as long as he is good in terms of religion and suitability, my father believes that girl's haven't got the right to choos who they get married to, only he does, but I think the people he chooses are only chosen for the fact that they will give him a good name and because he they are Bengali. Is it possible for the girl to make her own choice in terms of who she gets married to if she finds a suitabaly compatible, religious and good man of a different nationality with similar status and wealth, even if her dad doesn't like him because of his nationality?
Also my father is very controlling, picking and choosing what he wishes to believe in terms of religion, he likes to show off his wealth and power and build his name, can you give me any supplications which will help to make him a more mild mannered and diplomatic man? I would be very grateful if you could help me in this matter.

Praise be to Allaah.  

Firstly: 

The presence of the wali (guardian) is one of the conditions of marriage, and a woman’s marriage is not valid unless this condition is met. This is the correct view and is the view of the majority of scholars. See question no. 2127. 

The person who has the most right to be a woman’s guardian is her father, but if it is proven that he is not qualified for this role then it moves to the next closest relative, such as her grandfather for example. 

For more information on this issue, with evidence, please see question no. 7193 and 31119. 

Secondly: 

With regard to the conditions and qualities that should be present in the husband, the most important of these is religious commitment. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If there comes to you one with whose religious commitment and character you are pleased, then marry [your daughter or female relative under your care] to him, for if you do not do that there will be fitnah (tribulation) on earth and much corruption.”  Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (1005) and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi, 1084. 

See also question no. 6942 and 5202. 

Thirdly: 

One of the shar’i conditions of marriage is the consent of the wife, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “A previously-married woman should not be married without consulting her and a virgin should not be married without asking her permission.” They said, “O Messenger of Allaah, how does she give her permission?” He said, “If she remains silent.”  Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4741; Muslim, 2543. 

No one has the right to force a girl to marry anyone, but at the same time she does not have the right to get married without her guardian’s permission. 

The presence of the guardian is an important condition for a marriage to be valid, but a girl should not be forced into marrying someone who she does not want to marry, and she is not regarded as disobeying her parents in this case. Shaykh al-Islam [Ibn Taymiyah] said: “The parents do not have the right to force their son to marry someone whom he does not want, and if he refuses he is not being disobedient, like eating something that he does not want.” Al-Ikhtiyaaraat, p. 344 

Fourthly: 

With regard to your father and the way he is, we offer the following advice: 

(i)                Make du’aa’ for him in his absence. There is no specific du’aa’, so pray to Allaah to reform him and open his heart.

(ii)              Seek the help of some of your father’s friends or relatives whom you trust to try to change him.

(iii)            Give him some books or tapes in your language that will encourage him to have a good attitude and warn him against the opposite, and give them as a gift using a good approach when you do so. Allaah may make this a cause of his reforming. 

We ask Allaah to help you to do that which He loves and which pleases Him. 

And Allaah knows best.

Mut’ah marriage and refutation of those Raafidis who permit it

Could you please tell if there is such a concept as 'temporary marriages'in islam. I would like to know because a friend of mine has read a book by professor Abui Qasim Gourgi and is under the impression that if they are already married it is okay for them to do muta(the name for a temporary marriage according to islamic shariah). His definition for a temporary marriage is that if you like someone it is okay for you to have your nikah read with them for a short period of time. Please could you tell me more about the issue of muta and which schools of thought believe in such an idea (could you support your answer using references from ahadith and quran).

Praise be to Allaah.  

Mut’ah or temporary marriage refers to when a man marries a woman for a specific length of time in return for a particular amount of money. 

The basic principle concerning marriage is that it should be ongoing and permanent. Temporary marriage – i.e., mut’ah marriage – was permitted at the beginning of Islam, then it was abrogated and became haraam until the Day of Judgement. 

It was narrated from ‘Ali (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) forbade mut’ah marriage and the meat of domestic donkeys at the time of Khaybar. According to another report, he forbade mut’ah marriage at the time of Khaybar and he forbade the meat of tame donkeys.

Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 3979; Muslim, 1407. 

It was narrated from al-Rabee’ ibn Sabrah al-Juhani that his father told him that he was with the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) who said, “O people, I used to allow you to engage in mut’ah marriages, but now Allaah has forbidden that until the Day of Resurrection, so whoever has any wives in a mut’ah marriage, he should let her go and do not take anything of the (money) you have given them.”

Narrated by Muslim, 1406. 

Allaah has made marriage one of His signs which calls us to think and ponder. He has created love and compassion between the spouses, and has made the wife a source of tranquility for the husband. He encouraged us to have children and decreed that a woman should wait out the ‘iddah period and may inherit. None of that exists in this haraam form of marriage. 

A woman who is married in a mut’ah marriage, according to the Raafidis – i.e. the Shi’ah, who are the ones who say that this is permissible – is neither a wife nor a concubine. But Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“And those who guard their chastity (i.e. private parts, from illegal sexual acts)

Except from their wives or (the slaves) that their right hands possess, for then, they are free from blame;

But whoever seeks beyond that, then those are the transgressors”

[al-Mu’minoon 23:5-7] 

The Raafidis quote invalid evidence to support their argument that mut’ah is permissible. For example: 

(a)      They quote the verse in which Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“…so with those of whom you have enjoyed sexual relations, give them their Mahr as prescribed…”

[al-Nisa’ 4:24] 

They say: this verse indicates that mut’ah is permissible, and the word ‘their mahr (ujoorahunna – lit. their dues or their wages)’ is evidence that what is meant by the phrase ‘you have enjoyed sexual relations’ is mut’ah. 

The refutation of this is the fact that prior to this Allaah mentions the women whom a man is forbidden to marry, then he mentions what is permissible for him, and He commands the man to give to the woman he marries her mahr. 

The joy of marriage is expressed here by the word enjoyment (‘of whom you have enjoyed sexual relations’). A similar instance occurs in the Sunnah, in the hadeeth of Abu Hurayrah according to which the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Woman is like a bent rib, if you try to straighten her you will break her. If you want to enjoy her, then enjoy her while she still has some crookedness in her.”

Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4889; Muslim, 1468. 

The mahr is referred to here as ajr (lit. dues or wages), but this does not refer to the money which is paid to the woman with whom he engages in mut’ah in the contract of mut’ah. The mahr is referred to as ajr elsewhere in the Book of Allaah, where Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“O Prophet (Muhammad)! Verily, We have made lawful to you your wives, to whom you have paid their Mahr (bridal‑money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage)…”

[al-Ahzaab 33:50] 

Thus it becomes clear that there is no evidence in this verse to suggest that mut’ah is permissible. 

Even if we were to say for argument’s sake that this verse indicates that mut’ah is permitted, we would still say that it is abrogated by the reports in the saheeh Sunnah which prove that mut’ah is forbidden until the Day of Resurrection. 

(b)     The reports that some of the Sahaabah regarded it as being permissible, especially Ibn ‘Abbaas. 

The refutation here is the fact that the Raafidis are following their own whims and desires, because they regard the companions of the Prophet (may Allaah be pleased with them) as kaafirs, then you see them quoting their actions as permissible in this instance and in others. 

With regard to those who said that it is permissible, they are among those who did not hear that it had been forbidden. The Sahaabah (may Allaah be pleased with them) – including ‘Ali ibn Abi Taalib and ‘Abd-Allaah ibn al-Zubayr – refuted Ibn ‘Abbaas’s view that mut’ah was permitted. 

It was narrated from ‘Ali that he heard Ibn ‘Abbaas permitting mut’ah marriage, and he said, “Wait a minute, O Ibn ‘Abbaas, for the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) forbade it on the day of Khaybar and (he also forbade) the meat of tame donkeys.”

Narrated by Muslim, 1407. 

For more information see Questions no. 1373, 2377, 6595. 

And Allaah knows best.

What is the punishment for a Muslim woman who marries a Christian man?

How is a woman to be punished if she marries a Christian? How often is it carried out and in what countries is it most common?

Praise be to Allaah. 

It is not permissible for a Muslim woman to marry a kaafir (non-Muslim), whether he is Jewish, Christian or an idol-worshipper, because the man has authority over his wife, and it is not permissible for a kaafir to have authority over a Muslim woman. For Islam is the true religion and all other religions are false. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

 “And give not (your daughters) in marriage to Al-Mushrikoon till they believe (in Allaah Alone)” [al-Baqarah 2:221]

 “And never will Allaah grant to the disbelievers a way (to triumph) over the believers” [al-Nisaa’ 4:141]

 And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Islam should prevail and should not be prevailed over.”

 If a Muslim woman marries a kaafir when she knows the ruling, then she is a zaaniyah (adulteress), and her punishment is the punishment for adultery. If she was ignorant of the ruling then she is excused, but they must be separated, and there is no need for a divorce because the marriage is null and void. On this basis, the Muslim woman whom Allaah has honoured with Islam and her guardian must beware of that and must adhere to the limits set by Allaah, and they must feel proud of Islam. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Those who take disbelievers for Awliyaa’ (protectors or helpers or friends) instead of believers, do they seek honour, power and glory with them? Verily, then to Allaah belongs all honour, power and glory” [al-Nisaa’ 4:139]

Ruling on Mut’ah (temporary) marriage

What is the ruling on mut’ah marriage?

Praise be to Allaah.

Mut’ah marriage means that a man marries a woman – either Muslim or from the people of the Book – and specifies how long the marriage will last, for example five days, or two months, or half a year, or many years. The beginning and end of the marriage are specified, and he pays her a small mahr (dowry), and after the specified time is over, the woman exits the marriage. This kind of marriage was permitted during the year of the Conquest of Makkah for three days, then it was disallowed and prohibited until the Day of Resurrection. This was reported by Muslim (1406).

The wife is the one with whom one stays on a long-term basis, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“… and live with them honourably …” [al-Nisaa’ 4:19], but in the case of mut’ah a man does not live with the woman for long.

The wife is the one who is called a wife in sharee’ah, with whom the relationship is long-lasting. She is mentioned in the aayah (interpretation of the meaning):

“Except from their wives or (the slaves) that their right hands possess, ¾ for then, they are free from blame” [al-Mu’minoon 23:6] – the latter (a slave whom one’s right hand possesses) is not a wife according to sharee’ah, because her stay is limited to a short time.

The wife is the one who inherits from the husband, or from whom the husband inherits, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“In that which your wives leave, your share is a half if they have no child…” [al-Nisaa’ 4:12]. But the woman in a mut’ah marriage does not inherit, because she is not a wife, since she spends such a short time with the man.

On these grounds, Mut’ah marriage is considered to be zinaa (adultery or fornication), even if both parties consent to it, and even if it lasts for a long time, and even if the man pays the woman a mahr. There is nothing that has been reported in sharee’ah that shows that it may be permitted, apart from the brief period when it was allowed during the year of the conquest of Makkah. That was because at that time there were so many people who has newly embraced Islam and there was the fear that they might become apostates, because they had been used to committing zinaa during the Jaahiliyyah. So this kind of marriage was permitted for them for three days, then it was made haraam until the Day of Resurrection, as was narrated by Muslim, 1406.

A Christian woman who has fallen victim to a mut’ah marriage

Hi, I'm a Christian and I am in a muta marrige with a muslim right now and when we discuss muta marriges he says he's allowed to have sex if it was put in the "contract" I was just wondering is that true? If the female are unable to be touched then how is it that a guy can have sex. I guess I just don't understand. What are the other things you can and can not do while in a muta marrige?

Praise be to Allaah.

We are very upset to hear about this incident in which you have been deceived and lied to, or have fallen victim to the ignorance of this evil man. The final ruling with regard to mut’ah marriage is that it is forbidden according to Islamic sharee’ah. This prohibition is the final ruling of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) with regard to this matter.

Imaam Muslim said in his Saheeh:

Baab Nikaah al-Mut’ah wa bayaan annahu ubeeha thumma nusikha thumma ubeeha thumma nusikha wastaqarra tahreemuhu ilaa Yawn il-Qiyaamah (Chapter on Mut’ah marriage and the statement that it was permitted, then abrogated, then permitted, then abrogated, and this prohibition remains in effect until the Day of Resurrection).

From Iyaas ibn Salamah from his father, who said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) gave sanction for contracting temporary marriage (mut’ah) for three nights in the year of Awtaas [after the Battle of Humayn in 8 AH], then he forbade it.” (2499)

From al-Rabee’ ibn Sabrah from his father: on the day of the Conquest (of Makkah) the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) forbade temporary marriage (mut’ah) with women. (Saheeh Muslim, 2506)

And also from him (may Allaah be pleased with him): that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) forbade mut’ah and said: “It is forbidden from this day of yours until the Day of Resurrection, and whoever has given anything [as a dowry] should not take it back.” (Saheeh Muslim, 2509).

From ‘Ali ibn Abi Taalib: that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) forbade temporary marriage to women and the flesh of donkeys at the time of Khaybar. This was narrated by al-Tirmidhi, who said: the hadeeth of ‘Ali is hasan saheeh and this is what was followed by the scholars among the companions of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and others… this is also the view of al-Thawri, Ibn al-Mubaarak, al-Shaafa’i, Ahmad and Ishaaq. Sunan al-Tirmidhi, 1040.

Either this man who has deceived you is an evil Raafidi who is following the religion of his community, who permit mut’ah marriages which are forbidden in Islam, or he is a corrupt Muslim who is taking advantage of the matter to fulfil his own desires, or he is ignorant and needs to be educated and advised.

We thank you for sending this question to us and we would like to take this opportunity to invite you to Islam, the religion of truth, which came to protect people’s life, honour and wealth. You will find information on embracing Islam in the first sections on our web-page. We pray to Allaah to help you to do that which is good and to protect you from evil things and evil people. May Allaah bless the Chosen Prophet.

He committed adultery with a woman and she married someone else, and the adulterer wants to marry her

I am in a dilemma . I was contacted by a brother from my home ('muslim') country who had a relationship with a relative of mine (and he informed me of this just now as i had no knowledge of it beforehand) and he claims that they had zina and she may be expecting his baby soon. He was supposed to marry her soon. Recently she was married to someone else and she is here in XXX presently. The brother who contacted me was shocked when he returned from business trip and discovered this. He wishes for me to allow him to contact her, and I wish to advise him to forget her and to repent as she has been playing with him for past couple of years. She also played with me for a while before Allah guided me. I dont think any of the above-mentioned people are practising the deen, probably dont even pray. What would be the responsible and islamic thing for me to do - and should i consult any others?

Praise be to Allaah.  

Your question includes a number of serious issues, not just one problem.  The details are as follows: 

1 – The neglect of prayer on the part of your friend and your relative, who claim to be Muslims. This action is kufr. See Question no. 5208 and 2182. Indeed, you say that they do not practise Islam, and this is disaster upon disaster, kufr upon kufr. We seek refuge with Allaah from that. 

2 – Falling into zina (fornication, adultery), which is forbidden in Islam, as is well known. It is forbidden even in the other divinely-revealed religions. 

3 – Marrying an adulteress when she is pregnant as a result of zina. 

4 – The adulterer seeking to marry an adulteress after she has gotten married to someone else. 

Which disaster should we begin with? Which question should we answer? Laa hawla wa laa quwwata illa Billaah (there is no power and no strength except with Allaah). 

Let us start with the most serious: 

1 – Kufr as a result of not praying and neglecting all the rituals of Islam. 

There is no doubt that kufr (disbelief) dooms one to enter Hell, Allaah says describing the mushrikeen and how they will answer concerning the reason why they entered Hell: 

“They will say: ‘We were not of those who used to offer the Salaah (prayers),

Nor we used to feed Al‑Miskeen (the poor);

And we used to talk falsehood (all that which Allaah hated) with vain talkers.

And we used to belie the Day of Recompense,

Until there came to us (the death) that is certain’”

[al-Muddaththir 74:43-47 – interpretation of the meaning] 

Ibn Katheer said, commenting on this passage: 

“ ‘We were not of those who used to offer the Salaah (prayers)’ means ,we did not worship our Lord. 

‘Nor we used to feed Al‑Miskeen (the poor)’ means, we did not show any kindness to His creation of our own kind (our fellow human beings). 

‘And we used to talk falsehood (all that which Allaah hated) with vain talkers’ means, we used to speak of that of which we had no knowledge. Qutaadah said: (it means), everyone who went astray, we followed him. 

‘And we used to belie the Day of Recompense’. Ibn Jareer said: we used to deny the Day of Recompense, of reward and punishment; we did not believe in reward, punishment or reckoning. 

‘Until there came to us (the death) that is certain’ means death, as in the aayah, ‘And worship your Lord until there comes unto you the certainty (i.e. death)’ [al-Hijr 15:99].” 

But what you have to do is to advise them, establish proof against them and explain to them that what they are doing is destroying the most important pillar of Islam, so they must hasten to repent from neglecting the prayer and all the rituals of Islam. It is not permissible for you to turn a blind eye to one who neglects prayer under any circumstances. Start by advising and guiding him, then shun him and turn away from him, do not greet him, eat his food or sit with him, if that will do him some good. Make him aware of how great his sin is, so that perhaps he will turn back to his Lord and repent.  

2 – Falling into zina (adultery) is a major sin. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“And come not near to unlawful sex. Verily, it is a Faahishah (i.e. anything that transgresses its limits: a great sin, and an evil way that leads one to hell unless Allaah Forgives him)”

[al-Isra’ 15:32] 

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “An adulterer, at the time he is committing illegal sexual intercourse is not a believer; and a drinker, at the time he imbibes an alcoholic drink is not a believer; and a thief, at the time of stealing, is not a believer. And a robber  who robs (takes illegally something by force) while the people are looking at him, is not a believer at the time he is robbing (taking).” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, no. 2475). 

It is a major sin, and the one who commits this sin is issued with a warning of a painful torment. It says in the great hadeeth about the Mi’raaj (Prophet’s ascent to the heavens): “… We went on, and we came to something like a Tannoor (a kind of baking oven, a pit usually clay-lined for baking bread).” I [the narrator] think he said, “In that oven there was much noise and voices.” He said, “We looked into it and found naked men and women, and a flame of fire was reaching up to them from underneath, and when it reached them, they cried loudly. I asked them [the two angels], ‘Who are these people?’… 

They [the two angels] said, ‘We will tell you… those naked men and women whom you saw in a structure resembling an oven, they are the adulterers and the adulteresses.”

(Narrated by al-Bukhaari in Baab Ithm al-Zunaah, no. 7047). 

Please see also Question no. 11195. 

3 – With regard to the third question, which concerns marrying an adulteress when she is pregnant, it should be noted that “it is not permissible to marry an adulteress until she repents, and if a man wants to marry her, he must wait to make sure that she is not pregnant, which is shown by her having a menstrual period, before he can marry her. If it becomes apparent that she is pregnant, then it is not permissible for him to marry her until she has given birth…” (Fatwa of Shaykh Muhammad ibn Ibraaheem – may Allaah have mercy on him. See al-Fataawa al-Jaami’ah li’l-Mar’ah al-Muslimah, 2/584) 

Based on that, marriage to this woman when she is pregnant from an adulterer is an invalid marriage, and the person who married her has to leave her at once, otherwise he is an adulterer and the hadd punishment for adultery must be carried out on him. 

But if he leaves her and she gives birth, and her womb becomes empty, and she repents sincerely, then it will be permissible for him to marry her, after he also repents. 

4 – As for the first man – the adulterer – he must also repent to Allaah, and it is not permissible for him to marry her at all, for two reasons: 

(i)                because they are bother adulterers, and marriage to adulterers is forbidden to believers. See Question no. 11195.

(ii)              Because of her relationship with another man. 

So he has to forget about her completely, and repent to Allaah from his serious sin. Laa hawla wa laa quwwata illa Billaah al-‘Aliy al-‘Azeem  (there is no power and no strength except with Allaah the Exalted, the Almighty). 

O Allaah, guide the misguided Muslims, and help us to turn back to You, O Most Merciful of those who show mercy. Praise be to Allaah, the Lord of the Worlds.

Marriage to a married woman in order to get citizenship

My question is in regard to marriage. My wife is married by paper to my brother so that he can get his citizenship. I am married to her Islamically. She is often worried that this is Haram and we have many discussions on this topic. We need a more clarifying answer to put this issue to rest, she is very worried.

Praise be to Allaah. 

If your marriage was contracted first and was done according to the conditions of sharee’ah, then she is your wife, and your brother’s marriage to her is invalid and does not count. He has to repent to Allaah from what he has done, and you and your wife also have to repent to Allaah if you helped him to do that. Let your wife rest assured that your marriage to her is valid so long as all the conditions required in sharee’ah were fulfilled. And Allaah is the guide to the Straight Path.