I used to be very sinful, my most beloved hobby was to sin. I used to take drugs (hashish, pills, and wine) and I used also to commit adultry.
By Allah’s grace, I repented from the sin of adultry before marriage but the sin of taking drugs remained. It was because of the bad companions I had. Then one of my cousins died, he was of similar age to me. But he was not married, I thought about my situationand that someone who is younger than me has passed away, and we were comitting the same sin togeather, taking drugs.
Allah has guided me by His grace, so I gave up all sins, I even broke the satellite dish. My life has changed 180 degrees. I became charitable, pray, call people for good and denounce evil, distribute tapes and booklets and attend lectures.
The problem:
I face criticism, starting from family, mother and sisters, that I am strict. They want to listen to songs and watch series on television. If I advise them and say that what they are doing is haram they say: “why is istighfaar (seeking Allah’s forgiveness) prescribed?, If you do not want to listen to songs and watch television then leave, we want to watch and listen” the same problem happens at work as well, I have left home more than one time, my wife stays with them, I take her with me when I leave, but they ask me to let her stay with them. I refuse and my wife feels embarrassed and fears her situation causes any problems. But when I leave her with them, she sits far from TV and from where they sit. Sometimes I hear my mother making du’aa against me saying: “I wish Allah did not guide you, you made us restless” I seek refuge with Allah from what she says.
My problem at work is, that I work in a military sector, all colleagues are bad, the religious ones are only three, there are six bearded brothers. They get over so many things, the rest of them take hashish and drugs, flirt women and majority are of course smokers.
They all agreed on insulting me, whenever I sit with them, they remind me of my past. They mock the bearded brothers, slander them and describe them as (liers and terrorists) and I feel jealous for them and say: “you are slandering your brothers, they are muslims, you should not mock the beard because it is sunnah to keep it”. Sheikh, they gave me bad reputaion, they always critisize the bearded brothers, they never mention anything good about them.
Is letting my beard grow, abiding by sharia, enjoining good and denouncing evil in this time a crime that I have to pay for, or become immoral like them?
Even my boss, he says: “you bearded men, I will put you under the misoscope, I will not forgive any mistake you do”
I have tried some solutions:
Firstly: I asked to move to another administration, but my request will take some time.
Secondly: I cut my relationship with everyone insulted me by a word or an action. This helped limit the problem. But I do not like this way, as people became careful when they deal with me and fear that anything they say may be disliked by me. So they dislike me and make others dislike me as well.
I wish you provide me with the suitable solution for my problem because I became really tired of it.
Congratulations on your repentance, O slave of Allaah. Congratulations on turning back to your Lord. Praise be to Allaah Who has saved you from the path of misguidance and temptation, and has brought you back to the path of repentance and guidance. May Allaah increase you in guidance, righteousness and piety, and make you steadfast in following the straight path, until you meet Him in a state of goodness that He loves and is pleased with.
You should realize that the shaytaan will never give up easily after you have repented, and he will never leave you alone, because you were one of his troops and you have left him without his permission or approval! Now you have become one of the troops of the Most merciful. You were one of his gang, but now you have gone over to his enemies. Allaah has blessed you with guidance and you have annoyed him. So obviously he will try, by all means possible, to take you back to the way you were before. So you have to be patient and steadfast, and keep company with righteous people who will help you to follow the truth.
We ask Allaah to accept from you your protective jealousy concerning the deen, and your enjoining what is good and forbidding what is evil, and your love for people to be guided.
Secondly:
You should look at your situation from two viewpoints:
1 – That you have recently been guided
2 – That you are calling people to Allaah.
1 – With regard to the first issue:
Our advice to you is to be patient in putting up with offensive and foolish attitudes, but you may use harsh measures if necessary. That applies if it has to do with making fun of the deen, and you are able to prevent it or stop it.
The shaytaan has troops whom he sends to trick and plot and keep people from following the deen. These troops are not all from among the jinn; he also has human troops. They are the ones who fulfil his mission of preventing people from obeying Allaah and pushing them to commit sins. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And so We have appointed for every Prophet enemies — Shayaateen (devils) among mankind and jinn, inspiring one another with adorned speech as a delusion (or by way of deception). If your Lord had so willed, they would not have done it; so leave them alone with their fabrications”
[al-An’aam 6:112]
But your Lord offers you peace of mind, a great reward of steadfastness on the Day of Resurrection if you bear the insults of these foolish people with patience in this world. The reward is a rise in status on the Day of Resurrection, and our Lord warns them of a severe punishment if they die in their folly and mocking the believers.
“Beautified is the life of this world for those who disbelieve, and they mock at those who believe. But those who obey Allaah’s Orders and keep away from what He has forbidden, will be above them on the Day of Resurrection. And Allaah gives (of His Bounty, Blessings, Favours, and Honours on the Day of Resurrection) to whom He wills without limit”
[al-Baqarah 2:212]
“Verily, (during the worldly life) those who committed crimes used to laugh at those who believed.
30. And, whenever they passed by them, used to wink one to another (in mockery).
31. And when they returned to their own people, they would return jesting;
32. And when they saw them, they said: ‘Verily, these have indeed gone astray!’
33. But they (disbelievers, sinners) had not been sent as watchers over them (the believers).
34. But this Day (the Day of Resurrection) those who believe will laugh at the disbelievers
35. On (high) thrones, looking (at all things).
36. Are not the disbelievers paid (fully) for what they used to do?”
[al-Mutaffiffeen 83:29-36]
Ibn Katheer (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
Here Allaah tells us that those who committed crimes used to laugh at the believers in this world, i.e., they used to make fun of them and scorn them, and when they passed by the believers they would wink at one another (in mockery), i.e., mocking them.
“And when they returned to their own people, they would return jesting” i.e., when these people who committed crimes went back to their homes, they would return jesting, i.e., whatever they looked for they would find, but despite that they did not appreciate the blessing that Allaah had bestowed on them, rather they were preoccupied with scorning and envying the believers.
“And when they saw them, they said: ‘Verily, these have indeed gone astray!’” i.e., because they were following a religion other than theirs.
Allaah says “But they (disbelievers, sinners) had not been sent as watchers over them (the believers)” i.e., these evildoers were not sent as watchers over these believers to see what they did and said, and they were not put in charge of them, so why should they spend their time watching them and keeping an eye on them, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“He (Allaah) will say: ‘Remain you in it with ignominy! And speak you not to Me!’
109. Verily, there was a party of My slaves, who used to say: ‘Our Lord! We believe, so forgive us, and have mercy on us, for You are the Best of all who show mercy!’
110. But you took them for a laughing stock, so much so that they made you forget My remembrance while you used to laugh at them!
111. Verily, I have rewarded them this Day for their patience; they are indeed the ones that are successful”
[al-Mu’minoon 23:108-111]
Hence He says to them here [al-Mutaffiffeen 83:34]: “this Day” i.e., the Day of Resurrection.
“But this Day (the Day of Resurrection) those who believe will laugh at the disbelievers” i.e., in return for their laughing at them.
“On (high) thrones, looking” i.e., looking at Allaah, may He be glorified and exalted, in return for the claim that they were misguided. But they were not misguided, rather they were among the friends of Allaah who are close to Him, looking at their Lord in a place of honour.
“Are not the disbelievers paid (fully) for what they used to do?” i.e., have the kuffaar been requited for what they used to do of mocking and belittling the believers, or not? i.e., they have been amply requited, in full.
Tafseer Ibn Katheer (8/353, 354)
So be patient and seek reward with Allaah for putting up with the folly of these people. Persist in reminding them of the ruling on their actions, and that if they subject the deen to mockery they have gone beyond the pale of Islam and joined their brethren among the kuffaar and evildoers, whose state is mentioned in the verses quoted above.
2 – With regard to the second issue:
Our advice is to follow the appropriate means of dealing with these sick people, because now you are not only a man who found the truth and followed it, rather you are a caller who is calling people to Allaah, and you want to take these people across a sea of darkness and bring them to a land of safety. So our advice to you is to acquire more Islamic knowledge and to do more acts of worship that will bring you closer to your Creator, may He be glorified and exalted, and to be wise in conveying the message of the Lord of the Worlds to these sick people. Wisdom means putting things in the right place. So the basic principle in dealing with them is to be kind and gentle, but that does not mean that you should not take harsh measures with some of them if you think that it will deter them.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And by the Mercy of Allaah, you dealt with them gently. And had you been severe and harsh‑hearted, they would have broken away from about you; so pass over (their faults), and ask (Allaah’s) forgiveness for them”
[Aal ‘Imraan 3:159]
Shaykh ‘Abd al-Rahmaan al-Sa’di (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
A good attitude on the part of a religious leader attracts people to the religion of Allaah in addition to the praise and special reward they bring to the one who has that attitude. A bad attitude on the part of a religious leader puts people off the religion and makes them hate it, in addition to the condemnation and special punishment they bring to the one who has that attitude. Allaah said this to His Messenger who is infallible, so how about others?
Is it not of the utmost importance and necessity to follow his good example and deal with people as he dealt with them, with kindness, a good attitude and friendliness, in obedience to the command of Allaah and so as to attract the slaves of Allaah to the religion of Allaah?
Then Allaah commanded him to forgive them for their shortcomings towards him, and to pray for forgiveness for them with regard to their shortcomings towards Allaah, and to combine forgiveness and kindness.
Tafseer al-Sa’di (p. 154). See also Tafseer al-Tabari (7/341).
It was narrated from ‘Urwah ibn al-Zubayr that ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her), the wife of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: A group of Jews entered upon the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and they said: Al-saam ‘alaykum (death be upon you). ‘Aa’ishah said: I understood it and said: Rather may death be upon you, and curses. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “O ‘Aa’ishah, Allaah has enjoined kindness in all things.” She said: Did you not hear what they said? He said: “I said: And also upon you.”
Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5678) and Muslim (2165).
Al-Nawawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
This reflects the greatness of his character and his forbearance. It encourages us to be kind, patient and forbearing, to be gentle with people, so long as there is no need for harshness.
Sharh al-Nawawi ‘ala Muslim (14/145).
Al-Shawkaani (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
This hadeeth shows that it is mustahabb for the people of virtue to ignore the folly of the wrongdoers, so long as that will not lead to spread of corruption.
Nayl al-Awtaar (8/146).
Thirdly:
With regard to your family:
You have to be patient and put up with their annoyance, and keep on advising and reminding them, and do not give up. Strive hard to guide them, using various means, and be kind to them. Do not give free rein to your wife if her sitting with her family involves any sins or evils, unless she is able to change them. Her shyness towards them should not make her incur the wrath of her Lord by listening to or watching haraam things. She also has the great responsibility to stand beside her husband and support him, and help him to remain steadfast in adhering to guidance and obedience to Allaah.
We are sorry to hear that your mother said such awful things, and we do not know how she could say it. Perhaps she does not know what some of those who take drugs have done to their mothers and sisters and she does not know how they have ruined families and societies, or how much money, time and effort the families have spent until Allaah guided their sons who used to take drugs and intoxicants, because of the evil that they saw in him.
With regard to your work:
We think that you have done well to ask to be transferred to another place that is better, especially since you have only recently been guided and repented, and you need good companions who can show you the way to goodness, and encourage you to do good and warn you against evil and encourage you to refrain from it.
We reiterate that the basic principle in dealing with others is to be kind and gentle with your family, work colleagues and others, but there is nothing wrong with being harsh with those who deserve it, if you think that this will serve the interest of stopping him from mocking the deen and making fun of it.
And Allaah knows best.
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