Thursday, 30 June 2011

Spouses who argue a great deal and she hits him. Should he divorce her?

Spouses who argue a great deal and she hits him. Should he divorce her?
Me and my wife have arguments every now and then. Sometimes she gets very angry and starts hitting me with all her strength. Sometimes I am at fault and sometimes she is at fault for starting the argument. What can I do about this ? Alhamdulillah, I am stronger , so she can't harm me. So far, we have a very good married life alhamdulillah. The last time she hit me, made me very angry and I decided to hit her back but I didn't. Actually I have never hit her alhamdulillah.


Praise be to Allaah.

We are amazed that you can be
happy, despite what you mention about having a lot of arguments and even
hitting sometimes. Whatever the case, we ask Allaah to increase your

There can be no doubt that a
woman’s hitting her husband is a sign of a serious problem in this household
and that it is not fit to raise children. How can the father raise his
children when they see him being hit by their mother?! 

Whatever the case, if you want
to set things straight in your household and your want your wife to be set
straight, then you must find out the reason why your wife has resorted to
violence, and you must deal with it. 

Specialists have mentioned
several reasons why a wife might become violent. These include: 

violence is a reaction to her husband’s violence. This is not the case –
according to what you mention in your question – in your situation, because
you say that you do not hit her.

wife’s violence may be because of having had a bad childhood, and what she
may have been exposed to of violence from her parents or one of them, or
from one of her siblings.

wife’s violence may be due to her husband’s weak character. Her husband may
not be working, and she may be the one who is working and taking
responsibility for the household, and her dominant personality may lead her
to aggression against his weak character.

woman’s violence may be due to the effect of what she reads, watches or
ingests. She may be influenced by dominant women or read stories about them,
or the devils among women may be whispering to her that this is the right
way to check the husband, or she may be under the influence of drugs and

If you know the reason ,then you
must deal with it wisely and gently, and remind her of the greatness of the
rights that you have over her, and her duties towards you. Remind her of the
punishment for transgressing against you in word and deed, and alert her to
the fact that her actions will play a part in your failure to raise your
children properly, and that her character may be reflected in some of her

What the couple must do is treat
one another kindly, and not wrong one another or deny one another’s rights.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And they (women) have
rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of
their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect) to what is
reasonable” [al-Baqarah 2:228]. 

If some differences arise
between them, then these differences should be dealt with in an atmosphere
of love, understanding, respect and tolerance, so that their married life
will be as Allaah wants it to be: “and He has put between you affection
and mercy” [al-Room 30:21]. 

We ask Allaah to reconcile
between you. 

And Allaah knows best.

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