I am married to muslim lady from one of the Muslim's land. I want her and my children to live only in the Muslin coutry. Presently I live and work in the USA which I was born. I have about 3 years to work then I plan to live and study in the Muslim land of my wife family insha'Allah. I would like to know if I make her return and order her to stay in that Muslim land (not to return to visit me here) and rise our children there only while I stay here but vist them (about eight weeks a year)is this action haraam. Do I have to let her stay with me here knowly that Dar Kufr is very bad. This position that I have taking is she to submit? Then what's the evidence from the Qur'aan and the sunnah that can be applied parphaps she will understand better.Praise be to Allaah.
It is not permissible to take lightly the matter of living in
a kaafir land, because that has bad effects on the Muslim’s religious
commitment and beliefs (‘aqeedah). Hence the Messenger (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) warned us against settling among the
kuffaar, and he said: “I disavow myself of any Muslim who settles among the
mushrikeen.” Narrated by Abu Dawood, 2645; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani
in Saheeh Abi Dawood.
There are some
situations in which a Muslim is allowed to stay in a kaafir land, but that
is subject to specific conditions, such as the condition that his religious
commitment should not be harmed by staying among them. For more information
please see questions no. 13363 and
You have to compare the benefits of keeping your family close
to you, where you can took after them and serve them and bring them up, and
protect yourself from falling into temptation, and the costs of keeping them
in that kaafir land, which may affect their religious commitment and
attitude, and the costs of your staying there alone, far away from them. You
should do this in consultation with your wife, and you should both be keen
to fear Allaah, may He be exalted, and to choose that which will please Him.
If you think it is better to send them away from that country, and send them
back to their Muslim country, then there is nothing wrong with your doing
so, and your wife is obliged to obey you.
The evidence that the wife is obliged to obey her husband –
so long as it does not involve sin – is narrated in several texts, such as
the report narrated by Ahmad (18233) and al-Haakim from al-Husayn ibn
Muhsin, who said that a paternal aunt of his came to the Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) to ask about some need. When he had
finished talking to her, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) said to her: “Do you have a husband?” She said: “Yes.” He said:
“How are you with him?” She said: “I do not fall short in giving him his
rights, except that which I am not able to do.” He said: “Look at how you
are with him, for he is your paradise and your hell.” The isnaad of this
hadeeth was classed as jayyid by al-Mundhiri in al-Targheeb wa’l-Tarheeb,
and it was classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Targheeb
And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: “It is not permissible for a woman to fast when her husband is
present except with his permission.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5195.
Al-Albaani (may Allaah have mercy on him) said, commenting on
this hadeeth: If a woman is obliged to obey her husband with regard to his
satisfying his desire, then it is more apt that she is obliged to obey him
in matters that are more important than that, such as raising their children
and paying attention to the well-being of the family, and other rights and
duties.” End quote from Adaab al-Zafaaf, p. 282. see also question
The husband may travel and be absent from his family for the
purpose of study, work and other legitimate purposes, for no longer than six
months. If it will be for longer than that, then he must ask his wife’s
permission. The basis for that is that ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with
him) asked women: “How long can a woman be away from her husband?” They
said: “Two months, but in the third month patience decreases, and in the
fourth month patience disappears.” He wrote to the commanders of the troops
telling them not to keep a man away from his wife for more than four months.
According to another
report: The time for people to be away on campaigns is six months: they
travel for a month, then they stay there for four months, then travelling
back takes another month.
See al-Mughni, 7/232, 416.
Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen
(may Allaah have mercy on him) said: There is nothing wrong with a man
travelling away from his wife, so long as she is in a secure place, and if
he allows him to stay away for more than six months, there is no sin on him.
But if she demands her rights, and asks him to come to her, then he should
not be away from her for more than six months, unless there is an excuse
such as sickness for which he is being treated and the like, because cases
of necessity come under special rules. Whatever the case, the wife has the
right to decide. If she lets him go and she is in a secure place, then there
is no sin on him, even if the husband is away a great deal. End quote.
Fataawa al-‘Ulama’ fi ‘Ushrat al-Nisa’,
And Allaah knows best.