I have done the marriage contract with a girl, and we have agreed that the wedding party will be in one year’s time for financial reasons, but her father completely refuses to let me be alone with her, even for a few moments, to talk or just to sit. Is it permissible for him to prevent me from sitting and being alone with her on the basis of custom and tradition? What should I do?.
Praise be to Allaah.
The marriage contract has three pillars or essential parts:
the proposal, acceptance, and consent of the wife’s guardian. The proposal
is issued by one of the two parties first of all, indicating what he wants
of forming a contract. It is call ijaab which means commitment. The
acceptance is issued second by the other party, indicating that he agrees to
what the first party has proposed. This is called acceptance because it
indicates consent to what the first party has proposed.
If this is done in the presence of the wife's guardian and
with his consent, then the marriage contract has been completed and the
woman has become his wife and he has become her husband. There result from
this contract a number of shar’i implications, which are:
It becomes permissible for each
of the spouses to enjoy intimacy with the other.
The dowry which is mentioned in
the contract becomes obligatory, if he consummates the marriage with her or
if he is alone with her in the shar’i sense and in such a way that he would
be able to have intercourse with her, or if he dies before consummating the
marriage or being alone with her. She becomes entitled to half of the amount
as a result of the contract if he divorces her before consummating the
marriage or being alone with her. If he did not state an amount for the
dowry, then upon consummation or if he dies or if he is alone with her, she
becomes entitled to a dowry like that of her peers, such as her sisters and
It becomes obligatory on the
husband to spend on the wife's maintenance, such as food, clothing and
shelter. This does not become obligatory upon the husband until after he has
consummated the marriage with her, because these obligations are in return
for intimacy and her living under his care.
Any children are to be
attributed to the husband if the marriage has been consummated or if he has
been alone with her in the shar’i sense.
The right of inheritance is
established between the spouses, if one of them dies, whether the husband
has consummated the marriage with his wife or not.
The in-laws become mahrams,
which means that the ascendants and descendants of the husband become
mahrams for the wife, and the ascendants and descendants of the wife become
mahrams for the husband, according to the explanations of the scholars.
From what we have mentioned with regard to the consequences
of marriage, the answer to the question is known, which is that it is
permissible for both spouses to enjoy intimacy, such as touching, kissing
and so on, with the other as soon as the marriage contract is done.
In the answer to questions number
13886 there was a discussion
of the things that are permissible for the one who has done the marriage
contract with a woman, even if he has not yet consummated the marriage with
But it is permissible for the guardian to be strict with
regard to being alone with her -- which means closing the door, drawing the
curtains and especially intercourse -- because of the problems that may
result from that before the marriage is announced. One spouse may die or
divorce may occur, which would result in bad consequences for the woman in
the event that she is pregnant or has lost her virginity.
In the answer to question no.
3215, there is a discussion of
this issue, which we hope you will read.
If we add to these problems that which happens a lot of
negligence concerning this issue before consummation and moving to the
marital home, namely the way people view these matters and their customs and
traditions which do not accept this kind of relationship except after
consummation of the marriage in the marital home that has been prepared for
that, then this is something to be taken into consideration with regard to
protecting honour and lineages. The husband should pay attention to this
matter and think with his head, not with his heart, and he should understand
the effects of this if death or divorce were to occur. He should remember
that he definitely would not accept that for his daughter, and by the same
token people do not accept that for their daughters. We think that this is
the best solution and the middle way between going to extremes and being
careless with regard to this matter.
And Allaah knows best.